Netflix And…

It’s easy to watch a sitcom and tell ourselves that life isn’t really so bad because…hey. On that tv show those attractive looking people with a close-knit group of incestuous friends are laughing and joking about a situation that I am forcibly relating to my life. Reality check: we live in reality. Pam and Jim are not…well, you. Sure, your boss might be a weirdo, funnyman…creep, if you will – but, the fact of the matter is that all those shows really do is remind us of what we are truly longing for in our lives.

Everyone wants to have that perfect moment when they find that person who gives them “the look” that feels like that first shot of whiskey taking over your body. Smooth…warm…and tingly. The rest is history. For some, that may have already happened. For others, the wait is still long and horrendous. Watching TV, Netflix, rom-coms gives us hope that we are not alone. Our person is out there…waiting that same wait. Perhaps on a different corner. At a different bar. On a different couch. In front of a different screen.

It becomes easy to leave reality in our minds and drift away into a world of fantasy and wonder just when or where we might meet that special person. Maybe, fate has already brought you two together and, without knowing it, your paths have crossed. The question then becomes, when will fate allow you the time to spend life in the arms of the one that loves you unconditionally until death does you part? Will you ever hear the music playing in the background as you slowly walk toward the one of your dreams and the world seems to melt around you? Will there ever be a time when “lonely” is not a part of your weekly feeling spectrum?

My answer: maybe…to both.

Whether I’m in a relationship or not, I used to ask myself {and my therapist}: “Is it me?”

“What’s wrong with…me?!”

I’m really putting it all out there and admitting that I’m the psycho, emotionally overwhelmed and overly dramatic person.

However, I’m also realizing that I’m not ashamed of anything. The questions that I asked aren’t questions that I need to be answering and neither should you if you are asking them. We need to stop asking questions like that because they aren’t fair to ask – they aren’t questions that lead to answers. Here are replacement questions that lead to actually helpful answers:

1. What are things that I am willing to change (OR not willing to change) in order to be better and more at peace with myself and in my relationships?

2. How much am I willing to accept (and tolerate) about others around me that keeps my mind healthy, happy, peaceful and in sync with my ability to make my own changes?

3. Can I be giving {equally} as much as others are taking? Is anyone taking more than they are giving in my life? If so…how is that affecting me? What action should I take to make that adjustment?

It’s important to note that all relationships take work in your life. Most of the relationships that I have in my life I’ve had for over a decade, and all of those have had some sort of treacherous waters to overcomes some point. What has made them so strong is answering those questions during those times (even if not so literally) and moving forward to the next chapter in an ever-blooming relationship.

My summary in this note is to stay grounded and don’t get clouded by the rhetoric the media portrays of what relationships are “supposed” to be like.

Your relationships are unique to YOU. There is no way that you can compare them to TV, past relationships, or any other relationships. They are just TOO special! When fiction is used as a template, we often subliminally miscommunicate to our partners and loved ones that we are holding them and the relationship to expectations that are completely unrealistic.

Trust me when I say that when two people are wishfully dreaming on different clouds in the same sky…it’s still very difficult to see the stars.

Say what you mean. Always. Don’t be afraid.

Colorado Springs

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